I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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