Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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