508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
