i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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