I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
