I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
