the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
