Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
