i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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