Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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