he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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