the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
