The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
