Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
