I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
