Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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