i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we're making bets on your personal life
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
