GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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