If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
