There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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