the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
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