Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
