I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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