Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
