Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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