i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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