I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
