Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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