It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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