finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
