There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
