I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
