genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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