why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
