So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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