pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
