WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
COCAINE IS GR8
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
