We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
