My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
