Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
