i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
