Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
