break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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