Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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