Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
