Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
