Non-Jews are for practice
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
