Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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