He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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