This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You made out with two different species that night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
